Nostalgic Notes
Nostalgic Notes
These are words, my musings, an account of my life my fucked up life I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and anorexia it fucks every every thing. I have a boyfriend. He gives me life.

Hard decisions are hellish… the kind where no matter what you do, you cause pain to somebody and it’s your fault.

But you have to, because the alternatives are worse.

Please forgive me. I didn’t do this on a whim. I knew the exact ramifications of every option and I picked the best I could.

(Source: lightspectra)

Dear Mel,

briellesthoughts:

you probably don’t read these anymore. 
but I got accepted into the medical program at Ivy Tech.
I graduate this Friday, my official walking is May 25th or 26th.
I would invite you.
but I don’t know where you live.
Or if you’re even alive.
I’d like to know that much.
You are really missing out,
I got my life together.
I got myself a home.
Two good jobs.
A wonderful set of friends.
and my education.
You could really use someone like me.
You lost someone great. I feel bad for you.

“What world is this? What kingdom? What shores of what worlds?’ It’s a very big question you’re faced with, Susanna. The choice of your life. How much will you indulge in your flaws? What are your flaws? Are they flaws? If you embrace them, will you commit yourself to mediocrity for life? Big questions, big decisions. Not surprising you profess carelessness about them.”

  ♥  NeverendingLove: whoa. I’m in this odd phase of depression where I’m able to logically...

whoa. I’m in this odd phase of depression where I’m able to logically shoot down every reason I have to hate myself (“it doesn’t matter what I do”, “I screw everything up”, “nobody could ever love me”, “I always end up alone”), and so now I’m in this mid-point between “just shut the fuck up and be miserable” and “I could probably be happy again right now if I wanted to, just open up OpenOffice and start doing your work.”

what are these feelings? this is so bizarre. strangest mood I’ve been in for a long time

I feel so different. this medicine is taking away my suicidal thinking, my irritability so far, I’m not as anxious.

I Feel so fucking empty now, I realize how alone I truly am without all this bullshit. It’s amazing how all this shit works. Honestly, when the thing that’s killing you is inside  and the thing that will or can destroy your life, you want so desperately for it to go away and stop. Like I have for so long, now that its starting too….What the fuck am I going to do without having most of it? 

I am grateful though. 

(Source: gagashippie, via gagashippie)



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